Argue About Issues, Not Each Other
Many couples' arguments descend into pointless name-calling and personal attacks. These are not necessary in the slightest. When you argue with your spouse or significant other, make sure you keep on topic. If you're angry about your partner leaving the dishes undone or forgetting your anniversary, don't call him or her lazy or stupid. Focus on the issue at hand, and try to discuss ways to solve it.
While we should always try to remain focused on the subject of the argument, sometimes emotions get the upper hand and we say things we don't mean. If your partner begins making personal remarks, remind yourself that what has been said is most likely just venting. Ask your partner why he or she feels so angry about the issue at hand that they would say something hurtful to you. You may be surprised at the response.
Assess Your Own Feelings
If the situation is reversed, and you catch yourself losing your temper at your partner, try to apologize as best you can, and explain that the issue involved makes you so angry or frustrated that you said something you don't mean. Try to examine why you feel so strongly about the issue. If you blow up at your partner over him or her not helping you with the housework, ask yourself if there might not be something else involved. You may be stressed out over work, or you may have some unresolved personal issues from earlier in life that make you feel alone. Discuss all this with your partner, so he or she knows what makes you so emotional about the issue.
Cooperation Is Key
There are few situations in relationships we can't work out to at least some degree of mutual satisfaction. If your partner periodically does something that annoys you, it's likely the reverse is true as well; try to establish ways you can help each other stop the offending behaviors. If you feel ignored or not respected by your partner, try to ascertain your partner's position. He or she probably does not intend to ignore or disrespect you. You may find there are areas where he or she feels neglected by you. Together, come up with a plan to work out these issues.
Arguments do not have to devolve into personal attacks and useless bickering. Learning how to argue constructively can help strengthen your relationship into much more than it was initially. Recognize your own failings- after all, it takes two people to have a disagreement- and help each other work out ways to overcome your differences. You'll be glad you did.
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